Learning to be a foreigner

Each time that I've come to Europe, I've tried really hard to blend in. I don't want it to be obvious that I'm American by how I look, how I sound, or what I do. I don't want to look like a tourist and I don't want to stick out as a foreigner.

This is not because I want people to think I'm European, and not exactly that I don't want people to realize that I come from the US. Although I'm not a stereotypically proud American, it's not that I am ashamed of being American either.

I have, however, realized a few things.

1. I don't want to stick out because I don't like sticking out. I don't like sticking out in the US and I don't like sticking out in Europe. I just like to blend in. I've never really wanted to be the center of attention. I realize this may sound weird as someone who studied to be a teacher, but somehow, teaching is the exception--and a big one. I hate when the students talk over me.
2. I have unrealistically high expectations for my German. While I have said that I am much more confident in my German and I feel good about it most of the time (today was not one of those days. English kept creeping into my German sentences, and not in an oops-there-was-an-English-word-in-there way, but a blending-of-the-English-and-German-words-I-was-looking-for way, which makes for nonexistent words and strange looks. Not cool, brain. Not cool.) Anyway, I don't know why, but I've always strived to be accent-free in my German. So far, I have not been successful. I've gotten compliments on my accent, but I know it's not perfect, and I've got about 100 students around me all the time who are more than willing to tell me about my German imperfections. Sometimes it stings. Sometimes it's a little verletztend. But it shouldn't be. I've never expected someone learning English to have a perfect accent or to speak 100% perfectly all the time. In fact, most people I know like accents to some extent. Now, I don't particularly think the American accent is very pretty, but I try to remind myself that Germans often don't think theirs are either--although I like their accents. And having a pretty good German accent is better than having a really bad American accent while speaking German.

Sometimes students are brutally honest. Sometimes I am too hard on myself. Sometimes I need to remember that I will never be perfect, but that is really okay and I'm doing okay.

Thank you, God, for a new day tomorrow.